Breakups can have a devastating  effect on you, especially when the relationship was together for a long time before you broke up. You may not be thinking clearly now, and you may be seeing things only in black and white. IE. - “It’s over forever - and nothing can be fixed or changed”

This is your emotions talking to you. Take a deep breath and realize that this is not the absolute fact. People get back together all the time. There are certain things you must do and work on in order to get your ex back:

  1. You must realize that holding on to the pain and negative emotions surrounding your breakup is not serving you. I’m not saying you need to be a robot, but dwelling on depression, hopelessness, anger, and regret will put you no closer to getting back with your ex.
  2. With your negative feelings behind you, and with a clear head, you need to figure out why the breakup happened in the first place. The reason is usually not as simple as the fight you may have had on the day you broke up. Usually there are things that built up over time that lead to the event. Once you are honest with your self and you know why you broke up, you are one step closer to fixing the problem and getting back together with your ex.
  3. While you are practicing steps one and two, you should be following an important rule: Maintain separation from your ex right now while you picking yourself back up and figuring out why you broke up. Contact with your ex while steps 1 and 2 are happening has a chance of derailing your progress. You need to stay focused.
  4. Seek the support of others. Not only should they give you honest advise about your relationship, they should provide love and support at a time when you are in need of it. Your friends and family can also see the situation with a more neutral, cool headed perspective, and can sometimes mediate issues between you and your ex so that you don’t break rule #3.

Once each of you (you and your ex) have your support networks in place, you should consider meeting. Take it slow at first. Perhaps just a casual text message or email to gauge each others mood. Don’t move to fast at this point. When you do decide to meet up, you will need a game plan. There is a lot to cover in that respect, but if necessary, prepare to suck it up and apologize to your ex without expecting anything in return. There are several techniques you can use to wipe the slate clean and convince your ex to start seeing you again, but the relationship is at it’s most fragile point here, so you don’t want to screw it up.

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